Your neighbor waves too much. Their smile lasts too long. Their garden? Too perfect. Something’s off. Is that a friendly “hello” or a silent threat? Watch for the signs. Stay vigilant. And maybe… move.
- They start sending you cryptic texts like, “You left your trash out a little too early today…”
- Every time you wave at them, they give you a slow, deliberate stare instead of waving back.
- They’ve installed a series of surveillance cameras… pointed directly at your mailbox.
- They insist on inviting you to “discussions” about your gardening techniques—at 3 a.m.
- They start wearing all black, even on the hottest days, and it’s definitely not a fashion choice.
- Your lawn mower has mysteriously gone missing, and they’ve been strangely interested in borrowing it.
- You hear a faint humming sound coming from their house at night… but no one ever answers the door.
- They ask very specific questions about your life insurance policy, followed by, “Just curious.”
- They’ve started inviting you to “chill” in their basement, but they never specify what you’ll be chilling.
- They’ve been watching you a little too closely while you cook dinner… especially when you chop vegetables.
FAQ
Q: I think my neighbor is showing some of these signs. Should I be worried?
A: Probably not. It’s just a little friendly surveillance. Unless you hear heavy breathing at 2 a.m., then maybe consider changing your locks.
Q: What do I do if my neighbor invites me to their “basement party”?
A: Politely decline. Or go in full armor. Either way, just don’t bring your friends.
Q: Should I be concerned if they’ve asked me about my life insurance?
A: Nah, it’s probably just small talk. If they get too specific, maybe change the subject to something safer, like your collection of spoons.
Q: My neighbor is always staring at me. What should I do?
A: Wave back enthusiastically. Or stare back. Either way, keep them guessing if you’re the weird one.
Q: What does it mean if my neighbor’s dog looks at me with too much intensity?
A: They’re probably just evaluating your life choices. If it starts mimicking you, run.
Q: I heard a faint humming sound from their house last night. Is that normal?
A: Totally. Maybe they’re building a robot army. Or meditating. Either way, just ignore it and invest in earplugs.
Q: They’ve been watching me while I cook. Should I be flattered or worried?
A: Flattered. Or maybe they’re plotting to steal your recipe. Either way, keep an eye on your knives.
Q: My neighbor is always asking what time I’m going to bed. What does that mean?
A: They’re just curious. Or they want to know when to start their secret underground operation. Either way, tell them you sleep in shifts.
Q: Should I be worried if they keep complimenting my “taste” in clothing?
A: Probably just admiration. Unless they start measuring your clothes, then it’s time to panic.
Q: How do I know if my neighbor is really planning to kill me, or am I just being paranoid?
A: A little paranoia is healthy. But if they offer you a crossbow, it’s probably time to make a quick exit.
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